An Introvert’s Guide to Schmoozing

Posted on July 2, 2010


IT WAS DURING HER YEARS on Wall Street that Nancy Ancowitz figured out she was an introvert. She did the famous Myers-Briggs personality assessment, which confirmed that she is the type to feel drained after too much socializing, and relishes alone time. For Ancowitz, then a marketing executive, the results explained so much – why she needed to collect herself in a quiet room before a big meeting, or had to walk the block in the middle of the day, or dreaded the aimless chitchat of work functions.

Being an introvert, however, didn’t hamper her career; Ancowitz went on to become marketing VP at JP Morgan, Chase and Co. Once she realized she was an introvert, she started paying attention to her social preferences and figured out ways to manage her energy for the day-to-day demands of her job. She figured it out so well that she quit her job to write a book on the subject. Self Promotion for Introverts™ is a kind of how-to guide for introverts navigating a career amid the clamour of an extrovert’s world, and dispels the myth that introverts are terrified of people.

“The misconception is that we’re loners, losers and anti-social,” says Ancowitz. According to her research, about half of us are introverts, but you wouldn’t necessarily know it by looking around the room. “No one would ever call me an introvert,” she says. “I’m outgoing, I love people.” By Ancowitz’s definition, an introvert is simply someone who recharges their energy alone doing quiet activities rather than social ones.

According to a University of Iowa study on brain activity led by physiological psychologist Debra L. Johnson, introvert brains show more activity in areas dealing with learning and planning, while extrovert brains are active in regions that control sensory processes, like watching and listening. This might explain why an extrovert is stimulated more by external forces, namely other people, and introverts are happy in their own head. It’s not that they’re shy, depressed or socially fearful; in fact, they can be quite good at socializing, but they’ll seek out substantive exchanges over pleasantries. “If I go to an event, I’ll have one or two, maybe three, deep conversations with a few people and then I’m ready to go home,” Ancowitz says. “An extrovert will go to the after party.”

The blanket confidence of extroverts generally casts them as warm and approachable, while introverts seem to get lumped in with social misfits, and are thought to be closed and detached. But Ancowitz argues even in corporate communications or sales, where there’s a strong social expectation – managing clients, working in teams, networking, lunching – introverts can thrive. Her advice: stay true to your introversion and to use those “quiet ways” to get heard and get ahead.

As the new senior director for client services at Loyalty One, a Toronto marketing firm specializing in rewards programs, 36-year-old Marshall Warkentin is the company’s point of contact with clients. Warkentin, a self-described introvert, has worked in the marketing field for more than a decade, but this new position is a step-up on the schmoozing scale. “There’s a big personal element to the job – lots of meetings, conferences, charity events, golf games,” he says. Despite the intense social demands, Warkentin figures an introvert might just be better suited to the role. “It’s not about interacting with 50 people, it’s making connections with primary individuals, and introverts are better at that.”

Introverts, according to Ancowitz, are generally quieter and not prone to barking opinions and ideas, which can also be a huge plus in a room full of bulldogs. “Yeah it can be tough sometimes to get a word in edgewise,” says Warkentin. “But there are some benefits to being the one who considers their thoughts, frames things in a refreshing way and perhaps brings a different perspective.” Also, he says, “introverts are generally patient, good listeners – and the key to being in client services is you have to listen.”

Along with playing up quiet strengths, namely writing, preparedness and listening skills, Ancowitz calls on her fellow introverts to use their one-on-one interactions to be a “connector.” “Introverts are good at building lasting relationships over time,” she says. “When you position yourself as a connector, you’re seen as attractive in the networking circle and a good person to know.”

Ancowitz’s advice, to the relief of introverts no doubt, keeps to their true nature; she doesn’t suggest they try to take on extroverted qualities. But, there’s one particularly terrifying skill she does ask of introverts: learn how to speak in public. “That fear can be conquered through training or Toastmasters – it’s so doable and good for introverts because it’s a highly efficient way to manage your energy,” she says. Ancowitz would know. As an author and business communication coach, she regularly speaks at conferences and in classrooms, nudging introverts far and wide.

Five years ago, Erin Lau, a writer and former event-planner, couldn’t look people in the eye or speak in public without a red face and trembling hands. Toastmasters saved her, she says, and allowed her more freedom in her career paths. “There’s been a realization,” Lau says. “But, I’m still an introvert, I still respect my time with myself a great deal. But it’s never something that will inhibit me.”

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